Gold Store

Good evening, interns! You might have heard the fabulous news of our esteemed Leaders and Employees having the available credits to purchase items from our all-new and equally-esteemed Gold Store, available in the auto-pilot ship's terminal. And, following this revelation, you might have wondered what it is that is available for purchase at our fine store, if only you had the Company credits for it.

For that reason, we will at least provide you with every item's information page, which is also available by typing "info" after an item's name into the ship's terminal, just like the rest of our shop selection.

We hope this drives you to perform well enough to be able to peruse these items for yourself, now back to work!

Directory-LOG - $60

"Here at the Company, we believe wisdom should be passed on between generations. Therefore, we have brought back a retired, yet experienced employee. This veteran has a nose for gold, having brought back more valuable scrap than most teams combined.

Additionally, using the command 'DLOG', he will be able to offer extra help about the gold items, such as its distance from any entrance, whether it is two-handed, a tool, or another noteworthy piece of knowledge. Simply filter out important information."

Cat o' Gold - $777

"This misshapen statue of a dog appears to boost your luck. Teams that have purchased it have stated that they found increased amounts of golden items, but only on certain days."

Safe Box - $1000

"This luxurious locker will ensure that items inside do not get lost when every person on the team has died. Useful if there's special scrap you want to keep across multiple moons.

However, the safe door must be properly closed to save the items, and cannot close if the total size of all items inside is too large."

'Groovy Gold' - $150

"Unlock an extra song for the Disco Ball.

This mellow mix is sure to get you grooving in preparation for your workday. Just don't party too hard, the Company will not offer any sick days."

Gold Nugget - $100

"Little chunks of gold we happened to find.

Seems like each one has a different selling value, and our appraisers said the height of this value is linked to how low the company buying price is. We fired those appraisers."

Gold Ore - $500

"These massive rocks of gold have been littered about the Company, so we want to get rid of them. They supposedly increase in value over time, but they're worth nothing right now.

So, you hold on to them for a while, see if they indeed become more valuable. And you better bring them back to us eventually. The longer you keep us waiting, the higher the risk you all sustain too many injuries and lose this rock along with the rest of your scrap!"

Credits Card - Previous team's performance

"We just fired a team of employees who still had Company Credits on their terminal. So, we are putting this leftover money to good use by introducing the Credits Card Gold Program(tm)!

So buy low, sell high, and make the new quota!"

Golden Ticket - $50

"This lucky ticket allows you to keep all* your items when being teleported.

*Ticket itself is almost always destroyed upon use."

Golden Hourglass - $133

"The Company has successfully mastered time-magic.

Or at least at 0.7x times speed. Once per day."

Golden Pickaxe - $75

"This makeshift mineshaft weapon has the ability to uncover gold nuggets and ores before breaking.

Its sharp edge is fragile and will eventually break, but might occassionally pierce vital organs, instantly killing any being unfortunate enough to literally meet its end."

Golden Glove - $800

"This handy tool allows you to perform the three ancient martial arts of COMP-FU:

Master its many techniques and the quota will be but a mere autumn leaf beneath your feet."

Gold Medal - $3333

"A gold medal for a gold standard. This badge of honor will distinguish you as a veteran employee, so wear it with pride wherever you go."

Gold Crown - $5000

"A crown fit to put you above those weak co-workers.

And at last, and most importantly, to ensure to an absolute level of elite precision that those peasants do not try to dethrone you from your royal status, we superglue it to your head."

Bronze Suit - $2500

"A suit that screams "I tried!".

The Company distributes these beautiful suits to employees who have earned a reward for performing commendable feats, but not commendable enough to be invited to the Company barbecue."

Silver Suit - $5000

"A not-gold suit for not-golden employees who are not worth their weight in gold.

The Silver Suit shines like moonlight and smells like roses, and it will certainly force a new level of respect from your colleagues, but it's a suit with the constant reminder that you could always achieve greater things for the Company."

Gold Suit - $10000

"This shiny, shimmering suit covers every last inch of your outfit from top to bottom in pure gold.

A suit that represents your loyal and outstanding achievements for the Company. Pricey, but wearing this will ensure that everyone and everything you come across will know who they're dealing with."

Gold Toilet - $450

"A toilet so beautiful, it would be a crime to see what's inside... Seriously."

Goldfather Clock - $612

"This antique clockwork will bring a new level of comfort to your ship. The gentle swaying of the pendulum, the calming chimes upon the hour, and the relaxing ritual of readjusting the weights are sure to soothe you during your time on the job."

Gold Trophy - $2000

"Trophies are for winners... And a winner is you!

Being able to purchase and display the Gold Trophy is a sign to all other employees that you have made it within the Company. Paying for it will make you feel so special that the sheer disbelief of having bought such a prestigious item will send shivers down your spine. The transaction alone should get you excited, but seeing the receipt and realizing that every credit was worth it should make everything you used to have less valuable. So buy it already."

Golden Throne - $25000

"The ultimate status symbol.

Only enough space for one person."